My god - ess

My god - ess

Sunday, 25 November 2012

Asylum Seekers In Australia

A piece written by an amazing Legal Eagle; Julian Burnside.
This is the truth;

Further down the wrong track By @JulianBurnside Julian Burnside #AsylumSeekers #refugees this is #Australia #Auspol

It is clear enough that the revived Pacific Solution has not stopped the boats: it has not even slowed them.

In 2002 the boats stopped, some months after Pacific Solution Mk I was introduced. The supp
orters of the policy said that it was the Pacific Solution that stopped the boats: post hoc, ergo propter hoc. In 2012 boat arrival rates increased after Pacific Solution Mk II was introduced. By the same logic we could argue that the Pacific Solution caused arrival rates to increase.

Bob Carr has since said that the arrival rates would have been higher but for Pacific Solution Mk II. It is difficult to argue against that species of logic, beyond saying that it sheds light on the frontier which optimism shares with desperation.

Chris Bowen yesterday announced some running repairs on Pacific Solution Mk II. Because Nauru and Manus Island between them have no chance of taking the people who have arrived here by boat since the new policy was introduced (much less accommodating them for five years - the “no advantage” principle at work), people will be allowed into the Australian community on bridging visas, but they will not be allowed to work and they will have to wait for five years (the “no advantage” principle again).

While this announcement will, for a while, prevent the Pacific Solution from imploding, it just takes us further down the wrong track.

Almost everything that has happened in refugee policy over the past 11 years has been informed and supported by dishonest rhetoric. Specifically, calling boat people “illegals” and “queue-jumpers” is not only false, it is calculated to prejudice the public against a tiny group of weak, vulnerable people who deserve our help, not our hatred.

The poison was started by John Howard, but it is still streaked through the Coalition rhetoric. Earlier this week Tony Abbott shamelessly referred to boat-people as “illegals”, and spoke of them entering Australia “illegally”. Either his policies are founded on a gross misunderstanding of the facts, or he is being dishonest. With him, It’s hard to tell.

To be clear: it is not illegal to come to Australia without papers and seek asylum. Boat-people do not commit any offence by their manner of arrival.

Furthermore, the notion of “queue-jumpers” is equally wrong, and is used with equally malevolent intent. Most of the boat-people who have come here over the past 15 years have been Hazaras from Afghanistan. Hazaras are an ethnic minority in Afghanistan. They have been persecuted since the middle of the 19th century. The Taliban are intent on wiping them from the face of the earth. Imagine a Hazara who wants to find safety from the Taliban, but has heard Australia’s criticism of “queue-jumpers”. Suppose he decides to do things the way Tony Abbott would approve: he looks for the Australian Embassy in Kabul in order to seek asylum. Sadly for him, the address of the Embassy is a secret, for security reasons.

Not much of a queue, if you are not allowed to know where it is.

But leave aside that the location of the Australian Embassy is a secret, the larger point is that refugee flows are always untidy. The idea that desperate people will conduct themselves as if waiting for a bus to take them to the shops is not only ludicrous, it reveals a complete lack of empathy, or even understanding, of why refugees flee for safety in the first place. The instinct to survive generally trumps an instinct for good manners.

If John Howard had not poisoned the public debate so effectively between 2001 and 2007, perhaps more Australians would be concerned about the present government’s treatment of boat-people. Make no mistake, all human rights NGOs, and most Western countries, regard our treatment of boat-people as wantonly cruel. We are a rich, secure nation, insulated by sea from most of the world’s refugee flows. How different our international reputation might be if all Australians understood a few basic facts:

boat-people are not illegal; they have not broken any law by getting here;
there is no queue;
about 90% of them are ultimately accepted as genuine refugees, legally entitled to protection;
the numbers getting here are tiny, by any measure. This year, total boat-people arrivals will amount to less than 8% of our annual migration intake;
boat-people do not represent a failure of border control. Around 4 million people cross our borders with permission each year (mostly for tourism, business or study). If 20,000 boat-people get here this year without authority (it will likely be fewer), it will mean that border control is successful 99.5% of the time. It takes a special form of deceit to reframe this as a “failure of border control”. Let me make my meaning clear: members of the Coalition who criticise boat arrivals as a failure of border control are either dishonest or so utterly uninformed that they should not speak publicly on the subject;
indefinite mandatory detention costs a spectacular amount of money, and causes untold psychiatric harm to people who are already vulnerable.

The latest announcements about boat-people have us heading further down the wrong track: a track marked out by the Howard government for political reasons, and sold to the public by dishonest rhetoric which the Coalition continues to peddle. The result is that we are spending vast amounts of money on indefinite mandatory detention (at least $1 billion per year, but increasing as we spin them off to more remote, more expensive, places).

The cost of indefinite detention has to be clearly recognised. Detention on-shore costs around $150,000 per person per year. It costs about $350,000 per person per year to hold them off-shore. But the cost goes further. Since most boat-people are ultimately recognised as refugees, and are accepted into the community, they come into the community profoundly damaged by their detention experience and (in some cases no doubt) resentful rather than grateful. They are less able to contribute fully to the Australian community because of the damage we inflict on them. This is a profound irony, given that boat-people show great courage and initiative by getting here the way they do. In principle, they are just the sort of people we want here.

The number of boat-people who get here is small, by any measure. This year we might get 20,000 boat-people arriving, but it is likely to be fewer. Just recently Greece – not in great financial shape right now – volunteered to resettle 20,000 Syrian refugees. If Greece can manage 20,000 refugees in one hit, I dare say Australia can cope with 20,000 in a year. Incidentally, the population of Greece is about half that of Australia.

If things keep going as they are, we will lock them up, ship them off to Nauru, or condemn them to a life in the shadows as a new underclass prevented from working for five years regardless of their true status as refugees. To put this in perspective, each of these responses involves Australia in breaches of various international human rights standards but more importantly it sits badly with our vision of ourselves as a generous, decent nation.

There is an alternative.

If I could re-design the system, it would look something like this:

· boat-arrivals would be detained initially for one month, for preliminary health and security checks, subject to extension if a court was persuaded that a particular individual should be detained longer;

· after initial detention, they would be released into the community, with the right to work, Centrelink and Medicare benefits. Even if none of them got a job, it would be cheaper than keeping them locked up;

· they would be released into the community on terms calculated to make sure they remained available for the balance of their visa processing;

· during the time their visa applications were being processed, they would be required to live in rural or regional areas of Australia. Any government benefits they received would thus work for the benefit of the rural and regional economy. There are plenty of towns around the country which would welcome an increase in their population.

It would take a bit of political selling, although I suspect that rural and regional Australia would be quick to see the benefits of this new approach.

But it should not be too hard to persuade the community that we can do better than we are doing now. The present system is supported by lies. Of course criminals should be treated as criminals. But when you see that boat-people are not criminals it is more difficult to understand, much less accept, our treatment of them.

I believe most Australians are decent, generous people. Our record in both world wars stands as a tribute to our national character; our response to the Asian tsunami is another. It was tragic to see our national character brought down by the Howard government’s deceptive rhetoric about boat-people (most of it calculated to win back voters who had drifted to One Nation). It is equally tragic to see our national character being damaged by a Labor government which does not have the political spine to tell it as it is: to point out to voters that there is a better way; that we are better than this.

Saturday, 24 November 2012

Where we are/Where are we

I know for certain only a few things.
The first is; We must always know what compassion is. Without compassion we are lost. We are a people who are bound to be destroyed. We are lost. We are gone. Karputt, totally.

The second is; We must understand empathy. Without empathy we are animals working off our instincts and nothing more. Our sense of mind, thought, art, creativity, science, passion are all lost. We are lost.

The third is; We must understand. We must understand that which is unknown to us. We must understand facts, figures and ideas but mostly we must understand others. Others who are different, who seem strange and mystical, who seem stupid and frightening. When we understand we will stop being lost.

The fourth is; We must know about giving. Without giving that which we have, which we are able to part with, empart, we are lost. We lose that which we cannot, will not give. Ourselves, mainly.

The fifth is; We must create space so that ideas, understanding, compassion, empathy, will rush in. When we create space we are able to feel a belonging as sense of joining, of togetherness. If we crowd our lives so much we will be lost.

The most important thing I have learnt is that we are bound to be lost.

If we don't know, not just not know how to, but who to, what to value, we are lost.

Valuing people, ideas, human ideals makes us all the more who we are. When we know who we are we are free to be wherever we are.

The is no greater thing than to be free to give, be compassionate, be understanding, to be empathetic. When we can do all that we are home.

Home; That place of comfort, and calm.

If we cannot accept others, we cannot accept ourselves. If we cannot value ourselves then we certainly cannot value others. Without valuing others we are lost.

There is no forgiveness if we cannot value.
If we cannot value then we cannot forgive.

Life is lost. Humanity is lost.

All this is encapsulated in one small word...no ...not love...but to deeply, freely, compassionately, understandingly to ...
CARE.


Thursday, 25 October 2012

Thursday, 11 October 2012

Gillard labels Abbott a misogynist




This is important. This has gone 'viral ' around the world. What did the mainstream media do in Australia? Their Prime Minister spoke and they castigated her. This speech will go down in history and they missed the point.
I am now proud of my Prime Minister. Some things she has gotten wrong, in my opinion.

1 Dealing with asylum seekers
2 Cutting of help for those with chronic illness to access oral care
3 Cutting the support of single parents
4 Not introducing a full ETS straight up
5 Putting a 'surplus' ahead of vision, services, infrastructure.
6 Not raising the Newstart allowance
7 Not reassessing the Disability support allowance and raising it
8 Not means testing private health
9 Not cutting back money for the richest private schools
10 Her treatment of Kevin Rudd.

Now she is showing the women of Australia that 'enough is enough' of this misogyny and sexism that is rife in Australian society, business, media and Parliament.

Keep going...keep at it Madam PM.

Thursday, 4 October 2012

Australian Politics Oct 2012

The greatest danger of recognizing totalitarianism as the curse of the century would be an obsession with it to the extent of becoming blind to the numerous small and not so small evils with which the road to hell is paved." - Hannah Arendt, Eichmann in Jerusalem: A Report on the Banality of Evil, 1963
 The nature of the Australian state is a myopic one. In the West we have been inculcating ourselves to believe in our triumphs against the evils of totalitarianism: fascist and communist. Australian ought to reflect on what it was against and upheld. However, Australia participated in a war not to bring evil to the world but to eradicate evil. But Carl Schmitt noted that:
“For those in whom the will to abolish war is strongest their war is considered to constitute the last war of humanity. Such a war is necessarily unusually intense and inhumane because by transferring the limits of our political framework it degrades the enemy into moral and other categories and is forced to make of monster out of him, not only to be defeated but destroyed.”
 

Being a 'socialist' myself I have slowly become aware of some things the ALP are doing to move me away from them and back to my more secure socialist self.
Some examples;
removal of an elected PM: non support of ETS and watering down of carbon pricing; watering down of original mining tax; allowing USA troops in northern Australia; dismantling of the chronic disease dental support system; the continued propping up of the wealthy private schools; the continued proping up of the wealthy self funded retirees ( ie giving them the 'rights' of the poor basic pensioner); the vilification of those on Newstart ( including the forced 'volunteerism' of wives of aged care recipients): the underfunding of our PUBLIC hospitals; the dismantling of our TAFE's funding; the idea of a free education from infants through university GONE; support for the arts ( independent theatres, visual arts, music) non existent; the processing of asylum seekers who arrive only by boat in offshore concentration camps; Lack of support for Marriage Equality by a PM who is an atheist AND in a defacto relationship; Lack of leadership on all things that are hard, but fair and right!
Despite all this the idea of Abbott being PM is repulsive and the idea of another 11 years of conservative rule is too horrible to contemplate.
I search desparately for leadership, for moral 'high' ground, for ethical direction of our parliamentarians, and for those who will stand fast even though all those around them are vilifiying them and frightened for their own 'careers'. There may be but a handful.
 Very important to keep questioning everyone and every policy.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Anxiety

Lately I  have been having anxiety attacks over Henry but Helen is helping me realise why I am reacting like this. It has to do with my past experiences in the past 20 years where everything, all my dreams and wishes have been taken away and now Henry is part of the 'taking away' bit too..so adds to a kind of Trauma..from when Hubby nearly died ( 3x's) and my desires for my life constantly being put on hold then finally being taken away...I have had to compromise, ignore or just kill any desire and dreams...It is so sad but just for me...doesn't really involve anyone else...I have not become bitter, but I need to look after me and try and find things to look forward to...life is a bit hard...and the constant worry, responsibility...it is ALWAYS my 'job' and it depletes me...I feel burdened down with always taking care of absolutly EVERYTHING.

Monday, 1 October 2012

Mark Twain ; America's Iconic Writer

"There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing and predatory as it is -- in our country particularly, and in all other Christian countries in a somewhat modified degree -- it is still a hundred times better than the Christianity of the Bible, with its prodigious crime -- the invention of Hell. Measured by our Christianity of to-day, bad as it is, hypocritical as it is, empty and hollow as it is, neither the Deity nor His Son is a Christian, nor qualified for that moderately high place. Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilt."

Mark Twain - Reflections on Religion
 
"The best minds will tell you that when a man has begotten a child he is morally bound to tenderly care for it, protect it from hurt, shield it from disease, clothe it, feed it, bear with its waywardness, lay no hand upon it save in kindness and for its own good, and never in any case inflict upon it a wanton cruelty. God's treatment of his earthly children, every day and every night, is the exact opposite of all that, yet those best minds warmly justify these crimes, condone them, excuse them, and indignantly refuse to regard them as crimes at all, when he commits them. Your country and mine is an interesting one, but there is nothing there that is half so interesting as the human mind."

Mark Twain - Letters from the Earth

 
"...a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave is angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell--mouths mercy, and invented hell--mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!"

Mark Twain - No. 44, The Mysterious Stranger

Saturday, 29 September 2012

You've got to be taught...after all this time



After blogging for years I have finally found the scene, music and intent of one blog I did under; the Frog's persona.
Here it is...

Made my life change from my upbringing...

and now it is 2012 and it STILL is a problem.

Freedom to say.....

What the fuck is this?
Some arm, some part of St Francis Xavier is 'touring' Australia.
Come on people..this is 2012...stop being so freaking stupid.
Time to rationalise, time to think, time to know what the reality is, time to take into our psychy the fact that We are responsible for the fate of the world.

Surely the shit about that stupid little man who made a badly produced, acted, directed anti ..whatever movie in America is time for us to realise believing in an imaginery friend is nothing short of dangerous.

Enough.

I am getting impatient as I get older.
Impatient with stupidity.

Dangerous ignorant, pathetic, bigotted, sad, annoying, tiresome, exclusive, warmongering, religious, fuckwit stupidity!!!

Come on!

Let's take our intelligence to the highest level and celebrate our knowledge our love our being.

We are all here to share, to love, to be.

Come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, 27 September 2012

Just because..it made me laugh



Here We Go Again

So, here we go again, singing that old time song again....
It has been an interesting week, full of travelling along the awful, abortion of a road that will be claimed by BOTH State Governments as their idea and their success whilst the rest of us groan under its wrongness. By-passes may seem undemocratic, or un-capitalistic, or un-involved with community or some-darn-thing...but when it comes to local traffic the death of ONE ten month old is a bridge too far.

So we are not to get our 'by-pass' ( and it being discussed since, to my own personal knowledge, 1965) even though this has been a rusted on National Party seat since...well ....since it was formed in some part of the previous century. Stupid stupid stupid to hang on to ONE political party for ...ever, no matter which side...coz they really really do take us, the voter, for granted.

So here we go again, buzzing along in the second hand car again. ( Well actually it is probably third hand, but whose counting).
And there sitting in the South somewhere is a sibling who thinks a disabled person owning two TWO (2) cars is just not on....'Get rid of one' he says, like he has had some kind of say in my financial, or practical, or supportive life over the past some sixty years. STFU is my first and honest reaction. I don't say that of course; I say; Yeah we are thinking about it ...might give it to our daughter..after all she has our father's old car...how old is that? Um....25 years old. ( Not saying; you ever helped her, or me, or us, or anyone in the family apart from your kids??then STFU).

So here we go again.
Hydro therapy finished but we are still full on driving the 40 mins to the local centre to dentists, physio, GP and pharmacy...and tomorrow , for me, counselling.

So here we go again, singing again from the counselling song sheet.
Why?
Because I loved , fell in love with, my first grandchild....and it has made me anxious, depressed and to have feelings of total uselessness and disrespect.

So off we go again.
And HWMBO (He Who Must Be Obeyed) is checked, double checked and tested for 'pernicious aneamia'...so GP says to me; You need to have a break. I say; But I love being with HWMBO and he said; NO, I mean a break for illness, your man's illnesses....

How did he know.
So;
Here we go again....and I am gathering my loins, my internal organs and my heart fot the next demands.

Monday, 24 September 2012

Bits and Pieces

I am now fifty nine. My last year in my fifties.

My son is still in South Korea.

My daughter is still in Sydney but now the Assistant Director of "Casula Powerhouse Arts Centre" in Liverpool, NSW but still involved in new Australian theatre projects the latest being 'A View From Moving Windows'.

My baby girl is in Melbourne, Married and now the mother of my first grandchild.

And we are still here.

I do some ironing now and again for a few pennies and my dog is still keeping me centred.

My man has been to hell and back AGAIN and he is on a new treadmill of worry which we shall face.

And I am still sick of those who would 'Pollyanna' me to death.
I am still heading off for counselling and instead of being told to 'snap out of it' or 'others have it harder than you' or 'be grateful for what you have' or blah-bullshit-blah..I am told most people have two major incidences in their lives to deal with. I have had at least SIX. This puts me into the realm of 'PTSD'. So all that 'get on with it' and 'move on' actually damaged me further.

Getting validation is an amazing gift. It frees you to think differently about how things have been going for you.
Getting validation means someone recognises what my life has been and says; that is pure shit, and then begins the skills to deal with it.

So here I am still with my man, still hanging in there even when it all seems so difficult and extremely unfair. It is usually those whose 'plans' in life have panned out and generally have gone in the direction of their control who tell those whose haven't, 'god doesn't give that which you can't deal with'...etc...well I can tell you; there is NO god and if there was he is a right bastard.

And so I move on because of the work I do and because I want to get through this.

Casula Powerhouse Arts Centre
A View From Moving Windows

Equality

So our 'democratic' Parliament voted NO to Marriage Equality.
This was NOT democracy in action.
This was political expediency at best, and hypocrisy at worst.

Our representatives were asked to go back to their electorates and find out what the majority wanted them to do.
The majority ( 60% of all Australians) want Marriage equality for our Gay brothers and sisters.

Marriage Equality is one of the last bastions of freedom for a mature, caring and democratic nation and what does our (atheist) Prime Minister do? What does our (staunch Catholic) Leader of the Opposition do? They hypocritically refuse to accept that Marriage Equality has to do with human rights and less to do with religion or politics.

It makes me sick and angry and disgusted. That a Prime Minister, a women ( who should know better about inequality), an atheist ( who should know better about inequality), and unmarried ( who should know better about inequality) who lives in the "Lodge" of the Prime Ministership with her partner, Tim ( paid for by the tax payers) and who has no children (should know better).

It makes me sick and angry and disgusted that the Leader of the Opposition, a Catholic ( who should know about inequality and the dangers of past experiences within his church of inequal status....), a male ( who may never know the feeling of inequality), who is married with a wife and children ( should know better the importance of recognition of committment within ones loving life), and is a brother ( who should know better since his own sibling is gay) decided against allowing his party members who represent the Australian people, decided against giving them a 'conscience vote'. Knowing that many of them are FOR marriage equality he refused and they refused to stand up ethically and be counted with those who believe the law should include those who love and want committed relationships to be overtly noted in our Society.

And our own PM saying she did not believe in Marriage Equality after she can CHOOSE to marry or not ( she has chosen NOT to) but refuses the right to a section of our community simply because they are GAY.

She is wrong.
He is wrong.
They are wrong.

Our minister for Finance and Deregulation is a gay women and her and her partner have just had a baby together. What does that say about our PM and what does she say to Penny? How can there be mutual respect?

This is so fucked up.
This is so pathetically obviously that it has nothing to do with legal matters, our society, what the Australian people want but is purely a politcal decision/vote based on fear of the bloody Imaginery Friend beleivers.
This is fucked up.

Friday, 21 September 2012

Grandmother/Nana

I am a grandmother.
The little chap arrived three weeks and four days early.
He arrived FAST!
He was traumatised by such a fast birth, had low glucose levels ( no energy), was not breathing and had no sucking reflex.

His mother, my daughter was traumatised. They whisked him away and she was not 'bonded' to the little addition. She 'paid' for that for over a month.

We got there ( 1300klms away) three days after he was born.
I walked into the hosptial room held my daughter tight, then turned and picked up a tiny baby crying in his bassinette.
I was gone.

My whole being, my whole stomach, my whole heart turned over in desparation upon touching this little new body.

From then on being so far from home, in someone elses house, with a new dynamic I was lost.
No-one, no-one ever told me this was how 'grandparent-hood' was going to be.

It was tense, stressful, stress filled and tight.

I was at once out of my depth and as well as being right in there where it felt right.

But I was not right.

She/they did not ask anything of me. I watched and waited and waited and watched, gritting my teeth, holding my breath, staring with a sense of a long wait for them to turn and say;
We have never done this before; We do not know what we are doing: I, the new mother needs you to steer this little new ship toward independence of care: I, the new father had never held a baby before let alone a newborn and I am scared.

They did not.

I waited and my man cooked and wiped the benches, I cleaned the bathroom and put on the washing; waiting waiting waiting for all our experience, our knowledge, our love to be called upon.
I read the 'latest' books on breast feeding, care, growth and information on 'precipitous childbirth' and brushed up on my knowledge.
I waited.
I became anxious and fractious. I argued once or twice with the new father over something silly; ( the door should be closed, it is winter and there is a slight breeze coming in when baby is being changed;. he is tiny, thin, new...he needs warmth)
The new father ( a good man) is a professional..works with facts, figures and definites. He cannot be told anything! He has to learn surruptitiously...like HE has thought of everything possible and HE has come to the RIGHT answer.

I back off.
I then am asked to apologise.
This breaks my spirit.
Of course I apologise, but it costs....ME.

I finally (after a week or so) sit down with my daughter and say;
I need to tell you; "I am an elder of the tribe. Without the older women to teach the younger women babies would die. I shall tell you what I think about the little one, but will not say anything about the two parents.If i see something that may not be right for bub, I will speak up. Otherwise I will shut up"
She said; Ok.

Two weeks later we leave and drive the three day drive back home.

Now I am anxious. I am traumatised by the rip in the fabric of my heart. I was bonded, I fell deeply in love...I have heard others say this is so...but NO ONE ever said that there is this disconnect, the unspoken line, this fragile relationship, new between your child and you. The border of overstepping the mark and crashing to oblivion never to see or hear again because you are soooo far away.

I am going to counselling..if the govt grants me permission.

I am anxious and teary.

I am afraid and it is too complex to explain.

So I am writing to my blog.

Coz I need to say it all, over and over and over.
I tried again today to 'help' online with a crying non sleeping baby. I heard his cries over the phone.....it made my stomach ache and made me cry.
I walked the God-ess in hope that that would release the anxiety. It did a little. I have to stop this...

And it is only one of many of my anxieties...my life is exhausting.




Wednesday, 1 August 2012

What my eldest daughter does

This is what my daughter does ...her passion.
I will be seeing her all the way down here in Melbourne, 1300 klms from where we live and 700klms from where she lives. We are coming together due to the birth of her little sister's major production; A grandson for us and a nephew for her.

I am proud and pleased she still does that which delights and causes her great joy, through the angst, pain and frustration.



Sunday, 17 June 2012

S'Been

From the near death of my husband, to the rising from the anger and fear, to the visit from far away of our very pregnant daughter through to all the counselling sessions I have felt the first part of this year race by without a blink.

Life is still full of words for me. Words in my head, moving around as do I, through space and time and experiences. Words make up long rambling sentences and reform as I refine the idea the feeling the thought and as soon as I am able I forget to sit and write.

I am at once frustrated and hankering to sit down and just be and to just write as I once did.

But time and health concerns, my duty as carer and organiser for the seemingly simple life we lead takes me over to another place and there becomes a slip of possibilities that fade and glide into the bright Australian sun. I squint but cannot any longer grasp into my being those winding sentences that are born of my growing understanding of who I am.

Whether it is on the shores of the great South Pacific or tramping the tarred road of my village, whether it be sitting in the local pubic hospital's foyer waiting ( twice a week) for him to be done with hydrotherapy. Each time I am on my own I can feel the rising need to form into language my observations that started me on this trek all those years ago.

I do miss the Frog but she is no longer who she was.
She has moved through, on and has somehow transcended her past persona. Now Polly struggles to get her head out from under to express her new found reasonings, her new exposed wing span and her newly emerging sense of self.

And so this is just another preamble for that which was my intent.

I wanted to talk about;
life and death and the whole damned painful thing where others see you and think you should 'pull yourself together' just when you are feeling the thread of your own sanity unwinding around the man you love as he lies there.
children and the pain they bring, the whole joy and gorgeousness that turns into anxiety and hungering for their safety and security.
parents and how you are somewhere when suddenly you can smell your mothers neck or feel you dad's look of love and you crumbled feeling life is too hard and 'can we please start again'?
dogs and how humans are really too too stupid to respect and wish them well. People are so buys anthromaphorsising them that they forget we are called to take care of the dumb animals. We need to remember we have a duty of care to give them their full dogginess and stop making them into little humans...they are NOT and by the way, they do not LOVE you!
upcoming grandparenthood. The fear of my little one as she prepares now for the inevitable. Through her I now see (yet again) how amazing women are. They know the pain is to come and yet they swallow hard and move toward the time. Men have NO idea. Not even in war do you know for sure that pain will be your birth by fire...it can and sometimes will, but with childbirth women KNOW it is a test of who they are as women....Women are truly amazing and so so self contained. Already I am learning (yet again) through my child.
politics. How disappointed, sad, frustrated and dispairing it is to have a atheist female Prime Minister who does not 'put to bed' marriage equality. How long was the fight to rid the world of 'slavery'? Well it is still going...Let's not make the same mistake with this human right.
          The horror of knowing that the Opposition Leader is a card carrying Catholic who has such a narrow view of life and experience that he cannot see past his own penis. I feel this is being reflected in USA especially the new fight (AGAIN) for the rights of Women. Michigan silencing a woman for saying the word VAGINA in its legislature. How frightened these men must be of women and their bodies, of science ( it is the correct term for the birth passage...but usually Americans mean the Vulva when saying 'Vagina"), of reasoning ( God fucking this and God fucking that) and the sense of what is fair and right and equal.

Of course politics and religion can take up a huge part of my writing for the injustices are usually start, encouraged and perpetuated in those two sectors of our democracy.
Democracy. HUH. I have a lot to say about that too......I am mourning its passing in my Nation as the rich mining magnates take their piece, not just of Aboriginal land, but of the Mainstream Media's influence over the great unwashed.

And in the end it is about me and mine. My man, my life, my dog and me.

I shall try to unravel the sentences in my head and begin again.

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

There was a time.

There was a time when the soft fall of rain meant I could mess about in my bedroom and my mum would cook pies and biscuits in the kitchen awaiting the arrival back of my  dad.
There was a time when the crickets would call as soon as the sun fell behind the horizon and the sweet smell of Rhondalesia would fill the air and  mix with the gentle scent of Frangipanni and I would dream of my future.
There was a time when the salt in the air would make me wet my lips and head for the two mile walk to the South Pacific. The cement underfoot would singe my thongs and I would hurry down to the waters edge over hot squeaky sand.
There was a time when I would sit, looking out into the night, hearing the frogs calling one to one, and see the Southern Cross rise over my window pane and dream of the man who would love me.
There was a time when the crunch of frost resounded as I wheeled my third hand bike toward the gate, with my school case up ended on the handlebars basket,  my shoes were already wet and cold from the frozen grass.
There was a time when the smell and whinney of horses set my blood rushing and made me dream of a life elsewhere. The stamp of the hoof, the toss of the mane and the belief that animals knew more than I ever could.

There was a time when all I could think of was sweet sweet mellow blue jazz and the idea of a man beside me to take away the troubles of the world, to take care of me and to show me the life 'out there' in the great foreign yonder.
There was a time when I could only think of love and joy and smells and ideas. Of music and love and sweet words. Of love and being held and murmured to on seas of adventure.

There was a time when all that was held inside me felt like it was going to burst open and I would fall forever forward into the future of experience and love and joy and wonder.

There was a time.

And now.
That is another country...this is another country...one full of dashed dreams, broken hopes and dispersed ideals....
But it is one that finds me hunkering down in the wet afternoon with...love.

Friday, 6 April 2012

ME AGAIN

I have been busy with Ancestry research, and life; caring for my man and pulling myself upward out of depression and self loathing. It has been a hard job, this counselling. Now after joining the social media via Facebook, I am done with it, as I was with blogging all those years ago. I get so tired of the 'good people' out there who want to 'teach ' me, to inform me, to explain and help me. They do more harm than good and when they are family then I am lost.

So here we are, my man, my dog and me. We are going to start a new facebook page just for political 'friends' and informants.

I will try to compose at least once a week to get back into the swing of observation ( dirty word), feelings, descriptions and life.

If any who come across this are distressed at my language, my passion my need to be open, if their sensibilites are too dellicate for my real self then fuck off.

Here endeth the first of many new posts, I hope , as the full moon rises over the South Pacific, shimmering on the soft sea and with the fan cooling a strange hot April evening, I bid you all Happy Oestrus, and may your god let you know it does not exist for your sake.