10/10/10

And so thirty one years ago at this very time a baby girl was pushed into the world, gently, quietly, softly and put to the breast. No gowning, no sterilised ward, no fussing machines, no bossy doctors or nurses. Just an accepting doctor who believed a woman's body knew what to do as well as an attentive and still midwife who murmured reassurances as required.
Her eyes opened in wonder, no cry left her lips. She looked directly into my eyes as she was lifted onto my stomach, as the lights were dimmed so as not to pierce the newborn sight.
The main person present was the dad. He calmly lifted the new born from her place on my front and placed her in the bath and swooshed her up and down.
Her face fell back into an ecstacy and her fingers grasped her fathers. Her ears uncoiled from her head and opened like a butterfly's wing, transparent and beautifully pink.

She turned her head and caught my gaze. I took a breath, supped in like honey, and held it as I studied her naked beauty. She was a nice size, a nice colour and a nice slender length.

I fell in love with her, this baby of mine, in the dim light of a birthing centre. From that very moment she taught me to take care with what I said, how I said it and to keep things as even as possible.
It was not always possible.

But I tried.

I was twenty six years old, just.

And she is now thirty one.

And has not had this experience.

How sad.

Well...not yet.

It is a gift to all women to be able to take control as much as they can of this life affirming event. It makes you feel strong, able, loved, supported and knowing. You KNOW without a doubt the purpose of life. You have felt it in your body, moving, kicking, sliding, hiccoughing, squeezing the breath out of you. And then YOU squeeze the life into it.

I am fifty seven.

I can relive this like it was now.

How sad I am for mankind, man-kind, for they have to develop pretend friends, and pretend power and pretend strengths in an attempt to equal this event.

They never ever will.

And so with the help and support of good and honest medical people and a wonderful and caring man, I was able to have this experience, three times in my life.

If you want to know why I don't believe in god, then understand this; nothing can ever replace that as the experience of life giving goodness and mercy. It is the very being, essence of life itself. There is no need of a god, a pretend being, a pretend invisible friend. For within the growing womb was the the thing invisible to all but me and then it came into being, by, through, because of the two of us.

Without all those thousands of ancestors that went before this one human would not be here.

Happy Birthday to my most amazing daughter.