Long Time No Write

I have forgotten.
I have forgotten how to write privately without any concern for those who might read.
I must get back into it.

I have been going to counselling...(such an American thing to do I know, but we in Australia are finally catching up to those things that really matter and it has nothing to do with Psychiatry....it has to do with Mental health).

So here I sit...late at night on a different medium from my usual old clunky and ancient computer, set in the bowels of my home, away from my loved ones and away from the warmth of my lover and our pup.

I sit being with my man, who is watching a foreign movie, I think from Spain this time. He loves 'other' cultures and we in our poorness have tried to embark on infecting this on our children. It seems to have worked thus far.

Our son is still in South Korea.
Our eldest daughter who turns 32 tomorrow, is ensconced in her beloved theatre in Sydney.
Our youngest has just married for the second time to (this time) the man of her dreams. She has just returned from a 'honeymoon' to die for.
Well we would have.

When we went on our 'honey moon' we went with a few dollars in our pockets and a pocket full of sand in a mini minor to the small settlement (it is not even a hamlet) west of here. He was scalded by a sick radiator of the little mouse car and we spent our three day 'honeymoon' having sex careful of his burnt side.

Our baby went on a months tour of Europe.

She sent back photos and updates and even rang me from Paris.

She said; "Europeans are filthy animals. They cough, spit, and wipe snot and leave toilets unflushed. They have no 'rules' ( "Rules"  I queried?) about roads and etiquette and dog shit. Parisians and Romans leave dog shit everywhere. They, she said complain about Asians...I have travelled around SE Asia ( Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos) and I expect the poverty to be dirty...but Europeans think they are superior...THEY AREN'T "..she said.

She saw London and Bath, Bristol and Oxford, Dublin, Cork ( where her paternal ancestry began) and Paris, Rome and Dubai.

She has been the eyes of our dreams.

She said;
"Mum. Dad would be disgusted. You know more than anyone else and you don't need to have travelled. I am grateful for all you have taught me...how to eat in 'foreign ' restaurants..how the tables are set and the wine glasses are used. I didn't know that some people, no matter the private schooling they were given, were not taught these basics".

She told us how we did good.

My baby travelled and saw and cried and took photos...she did it for her and her new husband and her parents...her poor and travel poor parents.

(J and A...Guess where?)

She reassured us we were fine...we 'knew' without having had travelled.

BUT:

I wish
I wish for him
I wish for me
Those beautiful sights and sounds and being theres.

I wanted for me to learn and experience and be.
I wanted for him to be reassured, uplifted, soared on the wings of 'I knew it, I knew it'...Nothing but sadness and melancholy remains for us..;.

But for her
And for all our babies....
They are doing it for us..music, education, travel and living.

One thing that is left for all of them...

The getting and giving of babies......

Now there is a thing.......