Judgement?

It was nearly two hours drive. The road was busy for it is the most dangerous place to put yourself these days, on the main drag along the filigreed edge of the Australian East Coast.
She is sitting beside me talking, reminiscing, talking, bitching at times, memory racing along with the hum of the old car.

The spring day was like summertime...and the living was not easy..this was a 'duty' call...and call to arms..well to family.
Turning off the inadequate so called 'highway' we are stuck behind a caravan....big, lumbering, rich arseholes with the logo on the back ; "Spending the kids inheritance"...how I hate that kind of cute selfish declaration..
"Shitheads "I want to call...
"Stupid...your kids are your 'eternal life' for chrissakes!!!"

Eat...she says..where will we eat?
Get dinner!!! We need to get dinner..don't know when I will eat again...have to eat...
Well it isn't 'dinner' it is 'lunch' but I sigh and say nothing...
Round and round looking for...?
A TAB!
Need to put a bet on...he has a horse running out west somewhere...it might bring me some money...find a TAB.

Roll the eyes surruptitiously...
Park...get out...she races off...he leans on me;
"Where she going?"
Into the bottle shop.
Why?
I will find the TAB...see? There in the pub over the road...lets head off, she can catch up.

How do you bet? Do it for me, she whines...

Sit eat and grit your teeth..."YOU haven't got anything nice!"
I roll my eyes..they say it is a sign of contempt...I don't feel contemptuous.

Find the street..there it is..
Step out of the car and into....

Oh hell...step into hell.

Smoke stench...newish house (4 years old??) mess, mess mess...and there laying spreadeagle sick man...oxygen, cigarettes to hand, lighter...a plasma screen silently splashing scenes of scruffing footballers...mouths silently screaming..

Hiya..who? Yes..how are you? How do you do...ah..we finally meet...how is he?
Spectres of strange siblings come out of the woodwork...silent broken children wander about like ghosts in out in out ...through doorways..don't know who they are.
A man is dying here...
A life not very well lived..one of violence, overlaid with violence, overlaid with sex and money and drugs and ...on and on ...violence...
No longer viable..

Can't breathe..the cigarrettes I forget about ..it is not the smoke it is something else...the oppression of the poor pretending to be rich...it is awe full...it is sticky with anticipation and tension, stress and death..so so sad but so full of rubbish, computer in the corner, leads everywhere, tv, 'electrical servants' and more mess...
One child is heating up takeaway fried rice...the other disappears into a closed darkened room..whisper whisper...
Other teenagers fill the room, silently with brooding nothing ness...ahh that is what it is ...hopelessness...meandering boring hopeless drug addled nothing ness...

The 'partner' doesn't eat...must stay thin...must stay thin....living on coffee coke and her cunt.

Horrible most horrible...no wits..just staring at a glass darkly...for no reason.

I step out.

Breath deep and start to cough...lungs feel filled with fumes.
Fumes of smoking, fumes of barely bareable boredom...

Life is hard, harsh, horrible and hopeless.

But;
They are doing the best they can with what they have...no
no
not money,..
But headspace, thought less minds, hope less hope...

My heart sinks and feels their useless future...and I think...
They are here, they will survive, not for how long, but for who with.

We leave and fill our eyes with the sunshiny sea, the hot swimming day of the beachside suburb...
We leave and smell the Norfolk Island trees and meander back to our place northward in the sun.
Having said our goodbyes..another one bites the dust and we are poorer for it all....but richer for knowing better.

Vale

Heaven help us all....

So no matter the faith of the good citizens of the USA most believe in angels and daemons...what the hell is that all about?

Time to start the new revolution that wipes out poverty, elitism, gaps in education, wealth and power and most of all ALL religions.

So:
Turning fifty five was not so bad...I am already considered invisible, dismissed, no sexual, old, past it, alien, insignificant.

But I am morphing finally into a veritable honey of a grumpy old woman....
I am not going to stand things any more.
Things like;

Being invisible,
Dismissed,
Non sexual,
Old,
Past it,
Alien,
Insignificant.

I am finally going to be a force to be reckoned with.

To the Moose

The head as large as a man's torso lolls in fake sleep
The eyes are smeared closed and the handsome head
once tall is fallen on the ground.

His pride taken too soon for the wheels are in spin
of a viciousness beyond understanding
grins self righteously above.

The body of the slain is ok once it exists
"We can't discount war, we can't take your gun"
spoken with glassey eyed arrogance.

The glint of the killer lies, it lies, it kneels beside
the precious beast of a glutton-ness.
And to the horror, besides, a child.

She plays with words, she plays with guns
She pretends her woman-ness to give into power
She is a disgrace, a killer, a child abuser.

"Take her out! Take her off! Take her away"
this fake woman, this gun-toting hockey mum
Pig with lipstick, shit house female.

The blood of the lamb is on her hands
The blood of the future will be on yours
Refuse this ball-less man!

Spring has Sprung

I walk.
I walk along.
I walk along to the sound of my footsteps.
I walk along to the sound of birds, dogs barking, the wind in the sheoaks and the sea shusshing.
I walk along alone as my lover can no longer walk too far.


Spring has sprung and thoughts turn again to my dad.
He always loved the spring, he said, because it was a time of renewal.
It was a time to replant and watch things grow.
And it was the time that I was born.

I am calmer now.
The anger is abating with the new lease on our nation.
It is one I am wishing for the USA.
I am hopeful, but cautious.
They couldn't really vote for a man so old, so missing the point.
For a VP who can hold a gun, hold a gun to her 17 year olds belly
full of unwanted fetus.
"Right to Life" whilst holding a gun, a rifle, a machine that is just for killing.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Still I am hopeful.